The 100th post!!!!
For this landmark post I decided to do an amazing self portrait! To date I think I had taken around 200 or so images over 3 days and I hate them all… I know we have people who say they hate their photograph taken, and sometimes they are right… I know we massage their fears and I have to say that I’m great at it! But I deleted everyone of them! A portrait should convey emotion, mine was “is it in focus?”, “How do I get rid of the double chin?” and what should the depth of field be?
So, to descend into a less eloquent base language, fuck that for a game of soldiers!
Had an amazing shoot this week, but I’ll leave that for the next post. I thought that since this blog is really me talking to me about my journey, I’d fill you in on how photography ruined my love life and subsequently my sex life! How can photography do that? Let me give you a one paragraph bio to set the scene.
7 years ago my wife died from cancer, we had three kids… 11 months after her my 18 year old son dies in my arms. Up to this point I had a good life, making money as a consultant. My other two kids didn’t want me working away long hours, they were still in school and I couldn’t leave them, so I worked part time but found that lacked challenge. I thought of college but what would enhance the work skills? After a talk to the kids and explaining how we wouldn’t be rich (far from it) and receiving their blessing, I decided to get to college to study a passion… photography!
Photography helps me forget or distracts or lets me deal with bits at a time… therapy, kind of! However, I am distant on relationships… arms length tends to be the phrase used. I know why, I understand why and I try to kick through it but it always comes back when you aren’t looking!
Scene set, let the pain commence!
I was lonely and by chance I met a lovely woman, by which I mean hot and kind… what the hell is dating… I have no idea how to date, even though I proffer fatherly advice… well used too! I never used to be that way, my middle name was confidence… put me in front of a client and it’s natural and instinctive, now put me in front of a woman and I’m like a drug addict coming down from a high, calm to start then increasingly off centre from there on!
We met up for coffee and settled into a lovely sofa, the waitress brought the coffee and a little cake – it was a perfect little moment! It was so comfy and relaxed, we chatted for a quite a while. It was good, no stress, no pressure, just us talking about wee things and big things… she also smelled fantastic, every time I caught that scent, my heart raced a little… you’ve all been there from one perspective or another!
I had to go check out a location for a shoot in a few weeks time, however, things had been going so well I suggested that she might like the drive and the walk. She did seem genuinely interested. I settled the bill and we walked to the car… dilemma… do I take her hand or offer my arm or slide my arm around her waist? I was lame not bold, I offered my arm… the fear of rejection is shite! She took it but I resolved to grab the hand next time… bold? Bloody sad that I have to think about this!
So we climbed into the car and off we went, we chatted small stuff, mainly comments about the streets and the sights! After a brief silence, and this is my achilles heal, I started thinking about the shoot, you know, access, safety, time, light, parking etc etc I was thinking about the models that I wanted for this shoot… I really wanted older real people… the most difficult to get… this is where everything started to go wrong… my date touched my arm and said “I would like a piss”, I smiled at her use of language, it was out of character, but funny. So I smiled and said “give me a moment I know somewhere” …
Being a gent by going to the gents
I turned a corner and in the distance there was the glowing sign of a burger restaurant… I sped up a little… to fill in the silence I said I know this place, I’ve used it for this very thing!
I have to say the silence was a little strange and I had put it down to too much coffee. So as not to leave her walking in by herself I made the excuse that I would come with her. The facial features looked a little confused so I went in with her just behind me, held the door open, then ushered her to the corridor with the toilets… with a little humour I pointed at the ladies and said “I’ll go here!” as I pointed at the gents.
I went into the gents, I didn’t need but washed my hands etc, then came out to find her in standing in the eating area, I thought that was fast for a female!
Pointing to the door I said “shall we!” When we got back to the car she turned and said, “can I ask what you think I said in the car?” “You needed the toilet”… a brief silence and she said “I said I would like a kiss.”, “what did you hear?” I went beetroot!
With the moment lost, I took her home!
She ended up being a model for that shoot but I never did get to kiss her… she still smells fantastic!
Pay attention and stop being a prick!
Footnote: It could have been just as awkward if I had misheard the statement “I would like a piss” for “I would like a kiss!”